"If you and your prospective partner adopt the principles and skills I describe here, your relationship will be successful—not just for starters, but for the long run."
An indispensable guide for any couple ready to set the foundation for a loving and lasting union
Committing fully to a loving partnership—a "we"—can be one of the most beautiful and fulfilling experiences you’ll ever have. Yet as anyone in a long-term relationship will tell you, it can also be one of the most challenging. Almost half of all first marriages end in divorce, and chances go down from there. So how do you beat the odds?
"All successful long-term relationships are secure relationships," writes psychotherapist Stan Tatkin. "You and your partner take care of each other in a way that ensures you both feel safe, protected, accepted, and secure at all times."
In We Do, Tatkin provides a groundbreaking guide for couples. You’ll figure out whether you and your partner are right for each other in the long term, and if so, give your relationship a strong foundation so you can enjoy a secure and lasting love. Highlights include:
Create a shared vision for your relationship, the key to a strong foundation
• It’s all about prevention—learn tools and techniques for preventing problems before they occur
• Understand how to work with the psychological and biological influences in your relationship—neuroscience, arousal regulation, attachment theory, and more
• Numerous case studies with helpful examples of healthy and unhealthy interactions, sample dialogues, and reflections
• Dozens of exercises—the newlywed game, reading facial expressions, and many more fun and serious practices to develop intimacy and security
• Handling conflict—how to broker win-win outcomes
• Build a loving relationship that helps you thrive and grow as both individuals and a couple
Common interests, physical attraction, shared values, and good communication skills are the factors most commonly thought to indicate a good partnership. Yet surprisingly, current research reveals that these are only a small part of what makes for a healthy marriage—much more important are psychological and biological influences. With We Do, you’ll learn to navigate these elements and more, giving your relationship the best possible chance to succeed.
About the Author
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and author who integrates neuroscience, attachment theory, and current therapies. He is the developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), and he and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, created the PACT Institute to train other psychotherapists in this methodology. Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente in Woodland Hills, CA, is assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, and directs training programs throughout North America and globally. He is the author of Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, and Your Brain on Love: TheNeurobiology of Healthy Relationships.
“Stan Tatkin has written the best manual on premarital preparation that we know. Everyone in a committed relationship or on their way to the altar should read this book before they go any further.” —Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, authors of Getting the Love You Want and Making Marriage Simple
“Stan Tatkin’s heartfelt wisdom offers many practical skills to guide you and your partner toward secure functioning—and in a deeply perceptive, precise, and appropriately playful way. He is a true master of matches.” —Diane Poole Heller, PhD, author of The Power of Attachment
“Stan Tatkin understands the human heart and how to build a loving partnership and keep it burning bright. This book is packed with solid science, the newest psychology, and astute advice. I am using it myself. It’s a gem.” —Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love
“Inclusive and filled with suggestions, We Do is an ideal book for anybody interested in enhancing their relationship and for psychotherapists who want to provide great tools for their clients.” —Rick Miller, LICSW, author of Unwrapped