A recent article in the Dallas/Fort Worth Star-Telegram claims "Books are so popular in home decor that even people who don't read acquire them."

Somehow, books got into my house. Somebody in a truck mistook my front porch for a thrift shop drop and there they were.

Didn't know what to do with the things. Wife tells me they clash with the colors in our house, except the refrigerator, which is white. Pretty much anything goes with white, she says.

I began by stacking books all over the place. We couldn't get up or down unless we stepped on the things. Books in the bathroom, books in the shower. If we had bookshelves we'd have books there, too.

Together we read the Star-Telegram for "tips from the experts on how to decorate with books..."

"Stack books on the floor or in baskets. The casual arrangement makes them inviting. Paint a wooden ladder black and use it to shelve an assortment of books..."

We tried it. Being handy with a paint bucket, I got down the old step ladder and painted it black. Wife laid books on it before the paint dried.

It turned out great. When we move that old black ladder around the house the books don't fall off.

More tips: "A lamp that is too low for its location can be raised by placing it on a stack of books."

"Stack nicely bound books on end tables or on tables behind sofas. Books add height, create interest and make a room feel lived in."

"Arrange books by color to help establish a color scheme..." Blue in the back room, red in the den, green on the patio, why not?

"Take book jackets off to create a more subdued color palette." Everyone feels more comfortable with jackets off, don't you agree?

If you need more pinks for the bedroom, you can buy books cheap. Several businesses specialize in books by the yard.

Leni Leth runs Book Decor, a California company "that sells foreign books by the foot for the express purpose of looking at them rather than reading them. Danish books cost $100 a foot, German are $150 a foot and French are $200."

Why French books cost twice as much as Danish is anyone's guess.

The Star-Telegram left out these useful tips: Broken glass arranged on top of piles of books will deter burglars.

Insulation and weatherstripping can be backed with a layer of hard covers.

Books will serve as decent body armor if you find yourself out quail hunting with "Duck" Cheney.

When sailing: ballast.

Use paperbacks to soak up spills. (I already use cookbooks for this).

An unusually nice purple-covered book was sent me for review by the small Boston press named for owner David R. Godine.

From Bibliotopia, or, Mr. Gilbar's Book of Books & Catch-all of Literary Facts & Curiosities I learned that the earliest books were fashioned on clay tablets. Were these tablets ever used as end tables? Mr. Gilbar does not say.

Clay eventually gave way to papyrus, which made a much less stable table. After papyrus came parchment made from animal skin. During famines peasants ate these books, thus demonstrating parchment's lasting advantage over clay.

Around 405 A.D., the Chinese began making paper from rags. It wasn't long before the rags ran out.

Steam-driven paper making machines and steam-driven printing presses got wood pulp into the book decorating picture. Wood pulp gave us not only cheap books but fewer forests, fewer biting bears, fewer dangerous wolves.

It won't be long now before we're completely out of forests. When the last tree is pulped we may turn to clay tablets again. Tablets can give your house that spectacularly "country" look.

Best of all, clay don't burn. You'll have decor and fire protection, too!

Aired Sunday March 17, 2006 at 10:55 am and Monday March 13, 2006 at 8:40 am

Orders/Information:

Bibliotopia, or, Mr. Gilbar's Book of Books & Catch-all of Literary Facts & Curiosities compiled by Steven Gilbar, with decorations by Elliott Banfield. David R. Godine, Publisher. Hardcover $23.95. ISBN 1567922953.

"The typical tree makes about 11,500 pages of a (standard sized) book," Mr. Gilbar observes. "One cord of hardwood produces about 943 100-page hardcover books."

The Star-Telegram article: http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/living/home/14007776.htm